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Pray for family after loss of mother

Acts-perienced Poster Posts: 11849 **9/19/16 12:30 pm**

Hi,

My wife' mother died Friday, I think it was. I heard a loud sound early in the morning, and went back to sleep. I heard it again. It was my wife. The women in my wife's people-group wail when they cry over a loved one. I'd never seen her do it that I can recall. I went into the other room, and she and her cousin who was staying with us were both doing it. They were grieving over the loss of my mother-in-law.

So she flew to the town where he parents lived. I flew out the day after. Basically, their custom is for the family to stand on one side of the coffin with the people-groups traditional cloth, the ulos, on their right shoulder. Men were hats with a bit ulos triangle on them and the women wear gold bands on their heads, the family that is. Then, the families of the various people-groups they are related to come to visit. The bereaved children (not the spouse) of the decased dance as music plays (not much foot work, mainly hand motions) making hand motions for giving or receiving. The family then dance going backward as the visiting family dances forward. The bereaved stand on the other side of the coffin from the visitors and say their condolences in Batak or give advice to the children on how to treat heir remaining parent. Depending on the relationship, the children of the bereaved either dance over there and receive ulos and then either dance around and give out money, or else receive it.

It is a long and exhausting ordeal. They stay up all day doing that, and it goes till late at night. Extended relatives stay in the bereaved's house. It is hard to find a place to store bags. People have to find some little spot on the floor to sleep on. The family is tired from dancing around all day. And the stuff that happens in the day, in our case, was in an non-airconditioned house with people smoking up the place with clove cigarettes whenever there was a little break. The family was exhausted from having no place to sleep. My 9-month-pregnant 40+year-old sister-in-law was exhausted. I tried to talk her into going out to a hotel, but she wouldn't because she was the host, and kept serving people.

In the midst of all this, I didn't have much of a chance to talk with my F-I-L, B-I-L's, S-I-L's and barely got to speak to the new S-I-L one of them had married or to get to know their children. I was only there a day and I was plumb wore out. My wife was tired. We got to sleep in a relatives house with A/C and a couple of nice matresses on the floor with my son. He was there two days and got sick one day.

Anyway, please pray for the family. I came back to work with my son who got back to his studies. Fortunately, my sister-in-law stayed home and didn't take the 7 hour trip up into the mountains where it gets cold at night for the actual burial. My wife went up and she's exhausted. I hope her dad's health holds up well. It must be a rough on the children as well. Anyway, please pray for all of them to stay healthy and to survive the ordeal of being comforted by relatives and following their tradition. Also pray for provision, since feeding everyone and giving out money in addition to burial is expensive.

If I died in Indonesia, I'm going to have to let my family know that I want absolutely no smoking at the funeral. That's one of the worst parts of it.
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01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24285 **9/19/16 10:59 pm**

Just read this. VEry interesting my friend. Prayers of course.

YOu some of this you wrote about relates to the south when I was a kid as far as a place to sleep/rest for family. during our 'wakes' we tried to saty up all night, but mostly all the beds chairs and floor was taken up with sleepers.

But that does not compare with the traditions you mention.

The best to you all my friend.
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Acts-perienced Poster Posts: 11849 **9/19/16 11:32 pm**

I was only there for 24 hours, and I was beat. My son was there for two days. He felt sick the morning of the second day and had to lay down for a while.

I think I'm going to spread the 'red neck air conditioner' video, with ice in a cooler, around on her relative's Facebook pages and see if I can set one up some time to make a trend of it for future crowded family events. If I could get all the smoking uncles and grandpas to be against smoking at these events, that would help a lot. At least they don't smoke during cultural ceremonies and church services in the home. I did get on the case of a young cameraman smoking in front of the fan. I certainly don't want someone our family is paying to blow smoke on us, even if I am one of the few who care enough to speak up against it. I don't know how to help with sleeping arrangements.

If I ever go up to the village for a family reunion, I'm thinking of a tent. I'd forgotten how rough sleeping on the floor was, but it was worse in the crowded house in the city with no back porch as far as space is concerned, and those wooden boards had a lot more give to them than a cement floor. It gets down to about 40 every night in the mountains and up in the 80's every day. The people who live there are used to it and don't have fireplaces. I need to get a hold of some heat source or ask permission to build a fire in the back yard and make an adventure of it with the kids.
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Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1323 **9/20/16 6:35 am**

So Sorry for your loss prayers of peace and comfort for you and your wife's family.

Acts Mod Posts: 3346 **9/20/16 8:55 am**

It's interesting how some customs get started.

As a kid in S. Ga. when someone died the body was brought back to their home. As Cojak said it was the custom for some to stay awake with the body all night.

I am so thankful that custom has changed. I have not experienced this in many years now, probably since the 60's. I hope I never see this again.
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