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Care-Givers: What to do when an aged Loved One is near death

Acts-celerate Owner Posts: 6957 **5/10/16 11:33 am**

"Link," one of our regular posters, is caring for his 95-year-old Uncle who is nearing the time when he leaves this life for life beyond deaths door. He has asked for advice and prayer. http://www.actscelerate.com/viewtopic.php?t=85314

One role of Chaplains, is to be of assistance in a supporting role, for those who are nearing an end-of-life process. Also, to provide support for family members who are beginning to grieve. Here is advice I shared with Link. Please feel free to share advice from your own experience. And if you disagree with advice I have shared, you are welcome to say so BUT, help us all grow in knowledge by stating why you would do things differently.

ADVICE TO LINK

THANK YOU "link" for taking the time to share your heart and also some of the events of your Uncle's life. As you stated, he has indeed had an amazing life. I read every word of what you shared and was blessed.

As you are quickly learning, care-giving has a lot of "giving" to it and people do it because they care. I noticed that Hospice is now involved. They are now often part of the end-of-life process. However, at a certain point in the end-of-life process, their role is to help keep the patient calm, comfortable, and in as little pain as possible.

Hospice is not normally like a hospital where everyone is committed to doing all possible to keep people alive. If a person has been assigned to Hospice, it often means those at the hospital feel that further treatment will not benefit the person.

May I recommend that you make a post on ACTS asking for Elder Care-Giving advice. Most likely, some of our viewers have helped provide care for a Loved One who is moving from this life to the life beyond death's door.

It is an unwelcome fact, but dying is a natural part of God's plan. It is God who promised, "It is appointed unto man once to die." If people did not die, God would not have told the truth, but thus far, what God says does happen to all of us eventually. We know that mentally, but our heart of love is involved too. It is the "timing" of death that so often breaks our heart; died too young, suffered much, had a great future before them, why now? Why them?

My advice is for you to become a partner with Hospice as they seek to make your Uncle's passing as comfortable for him as possible. Absolutely, do speak up when you have questions or concerns about the Hospice care your Loved One is receiving. The best way to do that is to ask questions, not make accusations. Ask for an explanation for what they are doing. Since you are the care-giver, you have a right to know.

I believe everyone should seek to live as long as possible. Life is a gift from God and we should cherish it always. However, there comes a time when certain medical measures do not lengthen someone's life. There are some procedures that lengthen their death. I am opposed to suicide or assisted suicide, but if someone has reached the point in old age that they are OK with the natural process of death, it is OK to let them go.

When that time arrives, just be there present with them. It is not so much what you say, but that you are there. Your presence speaks louder than words ever can, that you care.

NOTE: In many cases, the last thing to go is their hearing. So, even when they slip into a coma, talk to them. Tell them of your love. Tell them how much their life has meant to you. When talking, touch their hand, arm, shoulder or forehead. Even if they can't respond, it is possible they may be able to feel your touch.

Request others not to talk about the person who is passing unless what they have to say is good. If they are wanting to make funeral arrangements or talk business, ask them to step out of the room where the person is located. If they insist on discussing or arguing over who gets the dying person's TV or other stuff, gently kick them out of the room.

It is OK to play soothing music. Since Hospice has been tasked with helping with the passing of your Loved One, it may not be good to sneak food or water to the dying person. Definitely, ask Hospice if the person is getting enough food or water. Be wise. If you do something that causes the person to die sooner, the rest of the family, even those who have not taken the time to care for the person, will blame you.

Blessing to you for your continued concern for your Uncle. Your being there is a miracle for him and what you are doing is most honorable.

Doyle
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