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When she is 80, she may still tear up from a MISCARRIAGE she had in her 20s.

Acts-celerate Owner Posts: 6957 **7/2/19 12:26 pm**

For many women, one of the most catastrophic events of their life is a miscarriage or stillborn child. Every fiber of her body is involved in developing the child within her. Suddenly...in many cases, even the doctor does not know "why."

https://www.amazon.com/Empty-Cradle-Broken-Heart-Surviving/dp/1936218240/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3IBF5NAI023H8&keywords=empty+cradle%2C+broken+heart&qid=1562088668&s=books&sprefix=empty+cr%2Cundefined%2C154&sr=1-1

A miscarriage PLUNGES a couple from the absolute height of joy and expectation, to the depths of despair.

As a Chaplain, one of my duties has been to be with couples when the doctor officially shares the bad news with them. Over the years, I have seen tears form in the eyes of women in their 80's when talking about a miscarriage they had in their 20's.

Some years ago, I was on the Washington DC Metro. I noticed a woman, about 35, continuously looking at a woman across the isle who was playing with her baby. When the woman with the baby exited the train, the woman who had been watching her, placed her face in her hands and wept.

At first, I had not grasped the situation. When she started weeping, I asked, "Are you OK?" With tears streaming down her face, she replied, "I should be getting beyond this by now, but I still struggle. I had a miscarriage at four months. three years ago. I try not to feel this way, but it seems so unfair."

Dear ones, there is no deadline on grief. You do not have to get over it. Slowly, you can recover to move along in life, but you do not have to "Get Over It." My Mom died suddenly of a heart attack 25 years ago. I will never be over loving and remembering Mom.

Many women who have a miscarriage, do not receive pregnancy leave. There may have been an office Baby Shower, and probably one among family and friends at home. She may dread going back to work. Does she return the gifts?

Many couples drop out of church. With church rightfully being a lot about children, being there with others who have children, is emotionally painful for some. They may become reclusive. Don't chide them for it. When one is grieving, they may not be interested in being in happy situations for awhile.

Offer, but try not to push them into activities. If you invite them to an event, provide them the option of not going:

"Thinking of you; missing our times together. Friday night, we are going out to eat. If you feel up to it, we'd be so glad for you to go with us. It's not a group thing, just us."

MOTHER'S DAY at church can be a horror story for those who are still grieving over the loss of a child for any reason.

BE WISE in how their names and situation is handled during prayer times at church. In my opinion, it is probably best not to mention the miscarriage. Most regulars at church have already heard.

"As we pray this morning, let's remember Bob and Joan. This has been and is a difficult time for them. Scripture tells us that God is a present help in in our time of need."

DIVORCE RATE
We are told that the divorce rate among those who have had a miscarriage is very high. I have heard it is as high as 80 percent but have no way of confirming that. Some women struggle with the feeling that they are somehow flawed, that it was their fault.

However, some statistics indicate that about 25 percent of pregnancies may abruptly terminate in the early stages of pregnancy.

For him, though as caring as he can be, a miscarriage happened near him and around him to someone he loves. For her, it happened from within. It becomes very difficult for we men to grasp the depth of despair she may feel.

THE ABSOLUTE BEST book I have read on this subject (I wish every pastor and pastor's wife would read this book), is "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart." A female doctor personally interviewed many women who share their feelings, struggles, and emotional survival in coping with having a miscarriage.

On Amazon, a new copy is $19, but good used copies are under $5.00 and Kindle direct downloads are about $6.00.

https://www.amazon.com/Empty-Cradle-Broken-Heart-Surviving/dp/1936218240/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3IBF5NAI023H8&keywords=empty+cradle%2C+broken+heart&qid=1562088668&s=books&sprefix=empty+cr%2Cundefined%2C154&sr=1-1

Doyle
writedoyle@gmail.com
404-933-1373
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Golf Cart Mafia Underboss Posts: 3944 **7/3/19 6:39 am**

Very well written by you Doyle.

It is not something you get over. It is something you get through.

It will always be right there in your rear view mirror.

Acts-celerater Posts: 787 **7/4/19 5:39 pm**

01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24285 **7/4/19 6:14 pm**

Another subject I have learned so much about here. This is so poignant Doyle, written so i can understand. This subject and the 'lingering' hurt is something I must have known, but somehow NEVER considered the mental pain many must endure.

As was said already, very well written... Idea

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