Actscelerate.com

Struggling behind a wall

Friendly Face Posts: 100 **3/30/19 12:26 pm**

I had someone come out and ask me to be their friend. I responded I canâ€™t do that. I felt they were just looking for someone to complain to and Iâ€™m not upto it. It really caused me to think. Iâ€™ve always been a very public person, but after years of some hurt and feeling betrayal Iâ€™m just not looking for friends. I want to be friendly, helpful and compassionate. Iâ€™m just not looking for the friendâ€™s that I use to be looking for. Iâ€™m content spending time in ministry and with family. I even enjoy being alone and that use to drive me crazy. Iâ€™m struggling with knowing Iâ€™ve built a wall and that I like living behind it. I just donâ€™t want to fail God or people because Iâ€™m becoming more introverted. Iâ€™m wondering if maybe itâ€™s an age thing. Lol Over 2 years ago my entire life changed. I pulled away from almost everyone I considered a ministry colleague because I didnâ€™t want my negative experience to influence others. It became another wall. A year ago I left the only denomination I had ever been a part of and that became another wall.
The positive is my focus has narrowed. I have more to give just to a fewer people. I love pastoring a great church and love my family. I struggle with
wondering what is my new normal and even what I want that to look like. Am I living behind a wall or am I just learning to live on another side of a wall. Maybe the question is why do we have to have walls.lol Trust might be the name of my wall.
_________________
DOW MOSES

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 5330 **3/30/19 12:54 pm**

You pose some interesting points, Dow. Reading your post made me realize that in many respects I began that process of "narrowing the field" back around the year 2000. My wife and I had taken some time away from pastoring in 1999 and I noticed an immediate change in the way my peers treated me and responded to me. I then started a period where I filled the pulpit for a friend who pastored an independent church when he had a heart attack and it was like I had leprosy. I've never been as open to others nor got involved in "state" level things again after that period. When I assumed my next COG pastorate in 2001 it was like all of a sudden everyone who had shunned me was again calling me and inviting us to dinner and so on, but as I saw the hypocrisy, I never really widened my circle of friends again after that. I'm fine with that on a personal level, but it still somewhat bothers me that people can be "friendly" to you only when it suits their purpose and you have something to give them (and vote for them) but otherwise, you don't exist. I have far more friends outside of the COG today than I do inside. Maybe that's wrong on my part, but I know for a fact that I can call on my real friends and they are there for me with no strings attached. I guess in many ways I've subconsciously moving away from the COG for 2 decades.

01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24285 **4/2/19 8:12 pm**

I will not approach the spiritual part of this. I struggle enough and am a very poor person to advise on a level that is way above my paygrade. That said, and this is a serious question, "How is your hearing?" I am very serious. Your physical hearing can slowly move you to become reclusive. I was an outgoing children's teacher and chalk artist and on the side was a respected and successful General contractor. I become introverted, turned the business over to my son and started writing. I am not a good writer, but it keeps me away from crowds.
At first i talked too much to keep from having to listening.

Dow, my brother if it is a problem that is spiritual then God and you will work it out. If it is physical he can heal. If He doesn't heal and it is hearing, get some cheap hearing aids off the net and see if life changes.

It is just an idea, I do know looking back at my experience as I lost my hearing I closed the circle of friends ring. It is bettter with Cochlear implants but I am still reclusive.

I am a poor person for advice, but I do know hearing causing a lot of wht you described.
Love ya dude, God is GOOD!
_________________
Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
jacsher@aol.com
http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/