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What does minister do? Wife says no more pastoring.

Friendly Face Posts: 153 **1/13/14 1:51 pm**

What does a minister do when his wife says no more?

When a pastors wife says I don't want to pastor anymore ,what does the pastor do?

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 13680 **1/13/14 1:56 pm**

Family comes before ministry.

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12817 **1/13/14 2:01 pm**

Take a vacation or even a sabbatical if possible. Pray, pray, pray. Fast and pray. Major decisions will have to be made.

Golf Cart Mafia Underboss Posts: 3944 **1/13/14 6:36 pm**

Greeeen acres is the place to be....

Look her square in the eye and say...

Acts Mod Posts: 25305 **1/13/14 6:42 pm**

Then in what fashion shall we serve God?

It may be the marriage that is over and not the idea of being a pastor's wife. They "pastor's wife" lifestyle may be just the tip of the iceberg.
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Doctor of Bovinamodulation

Wife

Bound By Beaulah Posts: 1003 **1/13/14 8:18 pm**

I am reminded of the story George Whitfield told of going to see John Wesley on night and looking through the window to see his wife dragging him by the hair through out the house. A joke was made that he and his wife couldn't even get along in death. He was buried on one side of the street and his wife on the other!. Praying for them.
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Ronnie Lingerfelt A/K/A 4 golf.

It's time to back out and make first things first ..

Acts-dicted Posts: 7766 **1/13/14 8:44 pm**

If it's the wife who cannot stand ministry any longer, but wants the marriage to continue, some serious retreat for them is required.

The pastoral ministry, I'd say, would have some serious curtailing or changing to do - depending upon how antagonistic she is to his remaining in that estate.

I would say there's a lot more going in with them and/or her than meets the eye at that point. I'd say she's probably more apt to end the marriage.

That changes things completely then.
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Golf Cart Mafia Underboss Posts: 3954 **1/13/14 9:01 pm**

Professional Christian Counseling before ANY life-changing decisions are made. This pastor should validate his wife's feelings and completely agree he will quit if it becomes necessary once she and he have had time to process, discuss and evaluate what has brought about this impasse in her heart.
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Acts-dicted Posts: 9027 **1/13/14 9:02 pm**

Show her she's more important than that form of ministry.
Love her and understand her.
Give yourself for her.

Pray for her heart to be in whatever you guys do.
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I'm not saved because I'm good. I'm saved because He's good!

My website: www.bradfreeman.com
My blog: http://bradcfreeman.tumblr.com/

My Calling

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1302 **1/13/14 9:09 pm**

My calling is to be
first- a Christ follower,
second- a husband,
third- a father,
fourth- a minister,
fifth- a pastor.
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Don't blame me. I voted for real change.

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12817 **1/13/14 9:46 pm**

What about when a pastor's wife tells her husband he has to choose between her and God?

For example, the wife tells the husband he cannot continue to follow God's calling on his life and remain married to her, and that to remain married to her, he must quit pastoring for good? That she'll divorce him otherwise?

I have known of cases precisely like that. Does a pastor in such a case have to obey his wife's ultimatum (because "family comes before ministry") even if it involves disobeying God?

Golf Cart Mafia Underboss Posts: 3944 **1/13/14 11:26 pm**

I am not a minister, and was not called to be one. I have asked various men who were called to tell me about that. Every one I have ever asked had his own unique story, and could tell me the exact time and place and circumstances.

My father. My grandfather. At least a dozen others. And my wife and I are both very glad I was never called.

The situation described in the opening post is dire. I get that. Details are missing. I get that. I ask myself, what if she had a severe illness, needed too much of his time and attention for him to be able to continue in his calling? Wouldn't it be ok with God, then? And if that is ok, then isn't her being burnt out in her role of pastor's wife the same thing?

But what does Mark 10:28-31 (just after the rich young ruler) say? Christ's words. No commentary on my part at all.

What if Noah's wife had said, "Look, Noah, it's me or the boat? I am sick of the ridicule. I am sick of you spending all your time on that stupid boat. You could be working to provide for your family like everyone else does. Why can't you just be a normal husband?"

If it is a hypothetical, I could make a much better case than I will here. One gets the feeling this is for real. My heart goes out to any man who has been faithful to his calling and now faces this. A time-out to figure things out and make a plan that saves the marriage while keeping any promise he has made to God is certainly in order.

My prayers for God's mercy and blessing on you and your ministry and your entire family situation are going up before I sleep tonight, whoever you are.

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12817 **1/14/14 12:09 am**

You is used below generically

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 5657 **1/14/14 5:43 am**

If she needs the break, then take it and minister to her. If it is something else, or something more, then let her know you are willing to step aside for an interim period to work though it if possible, but that you must not forsake the call of God and will need to return to active pursuit of His calling.

Do not fail your wife for your ministry. Do not fail God and His call for your wife. Beyond that the details will require the wisdom, grace, and guidance only He, and those He has placed (or will place) in your life, can give to help you navigate.

On a personal note, as a minister with a wife who suffers from bi-polar disorder, I can relate to this issue and struggle all to well.
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Poimen
Bro. Christopher

Singing: "Let us then be true and faithful -- trusting, serving, everyday. Just one glimpse of Him in glory will the toils of life repay."

Acts-dicted Posts: 9027 **1/14/14 6:35 am**

Acts-perienced Poster Posts: 11849 **1/14/14 6:45 am**

Does she say it just once? Maybe a chocolate bar, back rub, and a good night's sleep will change her mind. Sometimes a woman might say something like that because that's how she feels at the moment, not because that is something she is really committed to. Some things are said in the heat of the moment. If she keeps saying it and she's serious about it, it may be time for a break for a while and focus on the family and the affairs of the household in order.

Resigning the next day after one conversation would be foolish.

I was thinking of a married couple I know where the husband has made lots and lots of mistakes. But the wife is very hard to get along with. She once told him by phone it was over and she never wanted to see him again. So he found another woman right away and had an affair. It was over, he thought, so he had an affair. Now that's bad morality, but it was also foolish of him to think if his wife said something like that, it was necessarily true. I'm also thinking of a newlywed man who was going to file for divorce because his wife told him in an argument that she didn't love him anymore and she wanted a divorce. That's hurtful and serious, but even so, sometimes it's wiser to take this stuff as her talking about how she feels at the moment rather than a life decision she has made.
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Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 5657 **1/14/14 6:46 am**

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12817 **1/14/14 7:52 am**

Brad,

I am not reading anything into the opening post. I am bringing up a distinct scenario, which many will lump together into the same category as the opening post, unfortunately reading a whole lot of negativity into it with little information, effectively blaming the husband who has truly done all he can to hold his marriage together with a wife who has become completely unwilling to yield her will to God's will any more.

I do agree that in both scenarios, time needs to be taken off from active ministry, for the good of all involved.

Pastoring is tough...

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1274 **1/14/14 8:21 am**

...at times. It can be very hard on the wife and children. I have made a very conscious effort to pay close attention to my wife and children through our pastorate. I refuse to expect too much out of them because I know they already feel that pressure. I purposefully make time for them - even to go get pancakes at 3 in the morning.(I know that's not good for a heart patient) I do this to make sure they know husband/dad is available.
If my wife came to me and said she didn't want to pastor anymore, I'd ask for time away from church/pastorate, take a vacation, seek counseling and then if she still wanted to quit pastoring - I would quit.
I chose her, I chose to love her, I chose to protect her, I chose her until we die. "let no one split apart what God has joined together." Mark 10:9

Perhaps?

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 6042 **1/14/14 9:00 am**

When someone says that they don't want to pastor any longer, what they likely mean is this: "I don't want to pastor LIKE THIS any longer."

It may be time to change the process. Or to change churches.

But it is never time to stop walking in your calling. But there is always time to proceed using greater wisdom, etc. It might be just the thing that will help a wife recover her balance.